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Already changed my mind?
Jan. 9th, 2018 11:43 amI think I’ve already changed my mind about what I want this year’s theme word to be. I had thought adventure, but now I’m leaning more toward something like “importance” or “priority.” I’ve had to pare some things down in the last year as far as what I can handle myself versus what needs to be outsourced or just given up entirely, like ARNA. I broke down & got a new accountant who is going to do all of my tax work this coming year instead of me handling it all myself. Things like that which I’m technically capable of with assistance—but are they worth the stress? I want to evaluate everything in my life this year, make a thorough “stress vs benefit analysis” and act accordingly.
Speaking of stress, I had a hell of an episode last night. Netflix has these passive “trailer” sorts of things that automatically play if you have a certain show highlighted. One of their new offerings, “The End of the F**king World” has one of these. Heads up to all: it visibly, graphically depicts someone plunging their own hand into a deep fryer. Some of you may know I have a history of having been very badly burned in a cooking oil fire when I was 17 years old. It was a bit different than just sticking my hand in it (I picked up the entire pot & carried it out the back door of the house, burning both hands horribly in the process), but the fact remains that I know exactly what cooked human flesh smells like and I’ve had full-thickness, 3rd degree burns with all the pain & horror you think that entails. SO IT’S NOT GREAT TO SPRING THAT IMAGERY ON ME. I know I’m an outlier with a very specific circumstance and obviously no one can be expected to cover EVERY trigger, but it was BRUTAL. I heard the voice over say “When I was [age] I put my hand in a deep fryer to see...” and I don’t remember any of the rest of it. I heard the Nurse Hillary part of my brain scream “DON’T LOOK AT IT!” just before everything in my head cut off and the only version of myself left was the one trying to get away from the fire. I immediately burst into tears. This, of course, startled Ganon badly & after the panic attack was over I had to explain PTSD, flashbacks, and panic attacks in terms an 11 year old can understand. He took it well but he was CLEARLY alarmed. I was thrown badly off for the rest of the evening; I drank a gin & juice with a rather liberal amount of gin & we watched an episode of the Crown & then one of the Great British Baking Show.
Today it’s time to get my stuff together & put in the application for UAMS!
Speaking of stress, I had a hell of an episode last night. Netflix has these passive “trailer” sorts of things that automatically play if you have a certain show highlighted. One of their new offerings, “The End of the F**king World” has one of these. Heads up to all: it visibly, graphically depicts someone plunging their own hand into a deep fryer. Some of you may know I have a history of having been very badly burned in a cooking oil fire when I was 17 years old. It was a bit different than just sticking my hand in it (I picked up the entire pot & carried it out the back door of the house, burning both hands horribly in the process), but the fact remains that I know exactly what cooked human flesh smells like and I’ve had full-thickness, 3rd degree burns with all the pain & horror you think that entails. SO IT’S NOT GREAT TO SPRING THAT IMAGERY ON ME. I know I’m an outlier with a very specific circumstance and obviously no one can be expected to cover EVERY trigger, but it was BRUTAL. I heard the voice over say “When I was [age] I put my hand in a deep fryer to see...” and I don’t remember any of the rest of it. I heard the Nurse Hillary part of my brain scream “DON’T LOOK AT IT!” just before everything in my head cut off and the only version of myself left was the one trying to get away from the fire. I immediately burst into tears. This, of course, startled Ganon badly & after the panic attack was over I had to explain PTSD, flashbacks, and panic attacks in terms an 11 year old can understand. He took it well but he was CLEARLY alarmed. I was thrown badly off for the rest of the evening; I drank a gin & juice with a rather liberal amount of gin & we watched an episode of the Crown & then one of the Great British Baking Show.
Today it’s time to get my stuff together & put in the application for UAMS!
