She Makes the Best of What's Around

I’m a body positive person, & I also happen to be a bit fat. Once upon a time I wasn’t so body positive, and I did everything in my power to NOT be fat, up to & including a stint with Weight Watchers. That turned out to be pretty bad for my mental health (seriously have you ever weighed in front of a room of judgmental people who were trying to act like they weren’t judgmental?), so I quit. I had a revelation when Bryan was RELIEVED that I’d quit, as he also felt it was bad for me mentally & he liked me just fine the way I was. Since that time I’ve been practicing intuitive eating & not giving a fig what size I am. I do my thing.

Well, I’ve done my thing up until about a week ago, when I had to do a “wellness check” for an insurance discount. We’re on Bryan’s insurance for Arkansas state employees, and as part of a wellness initiative they give discounts if you do this yearly. Well, it involved a fasting lipid panel, CBC, & CMP. Well, for the first time in my life I had a high fasting blood sugar!

This is a little suspect because of the way the phlebotomist collected it. It was collected by capillary action and she milked the heck out of my finger, which can cause a falsely high glucose. But just in case, I’ve decided to have a hemoglobin A1C drawn at my primary care provider’s office. That’s a test that tells you how your glucose has been over the last 3 months, and is a better indicator of possible diabetes than a simple, one-time fasting sugar check.

Regardless, in my typical fashion, I have jumped headlong into eating & acting as though I AM diabetic. I have a strong family history (my maternal grandfather died when I was 6 of complications of diabetes, and had been blind since before I was born due to the same; all of my mom’s brothers except one has it, and my dad’s only brother has it). More than that, I see the effects of uncontrolled diabetes on a literal DAILY basis at work. There isn’t a single day I don’t see someone who’s disease is either directly caused by or at least worsened by their high blood sugar. To that, I say “Aw HELL naw.” Therefore, I have changed my diet!

I’m not dieting to intentionally lose weight this time, though the app I’m using to monitor & track my food requires a “goal weight.” I set it for 25 lbs less than I am, and to my surprise and minor delight, it doesn’t expect me to reach that goal for 6 months. That is a VERY slow weight loss, and as a medical provider I know that’s the safest, most reliable kind. I’m pleased with that. I’m going to weigh myself no more than weekly at the gym, but if it starts to trigger my “failure” reflex when I don’t lose, I’ll be weighing less often than that, or just skip weighing altogether until physician appointments.

The app is called My Net Diary Diabetes version. It was $10 but if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it the best I can & this app came very highly recommended. It has a rather incredible database of foods, speaking from an American perspective. You can even scan the barcode on packaged foods. For ease of use, it gives foods a “grade” as well as telling you the technical specifications. For example, the half a Snickers bar I ate yesterday got a D grade, while the roasted veggies & sausage we ate for supper scored an A. It makes it easy to put in what you’ve eaten for each meal. If you work out & use the Apple Watch app, the number of minutes & calories automatically are entered into My Net Diary. If not, you can manually enter a workout.

I don’t drink diet sodas, due to the horrid headaches I get when I eat/drink artificial sweeteners, but I do love me some cold, flavorful drinks in the summer. This has led to some creativity on my part, which has led to some excellent discoveries. I like my hot coffee unsweetened with just milk, but I’ve always drank my iced coffee quite sweet. I’ve discovered I like it just fine with milk & no sugar. I’ve ventured into La Croix flavored seltzer waters with great success; the lime & grapefruits are my fave. They’re also good with a bit of peppermint flavoring added. I’ve started ordering my iced tea unsweetened, and I’ve also found that an Arnold Palmer (half iced tea, half lemonade) is very tasty with unsweetened tea. The foods I eat are hardly ever horrible, but I definitely had a tendency to drink my sugar.

It’s easy to eat well at home, but at work will be a different story. I’m going to have to start planning ahead more than I do now. It’s ironic how limited the healthy food options are at my job, given that I work in a hospital. We’ll see how that goes!

1. I picked up today's shift at the last minute, so I got $10 extra hourly!
2. I did precisely the correct things when a patient went into a very dramatic seizure right in front of me.
3. I now have pizza and a gin margarita.

On my porch again. Sunny, warm, & beautiful.

I'm in a strange head space today. I found out today that a friend of mine (who I interact with mostly on Twitter, but we began as friends IRL) sustained burns in a house fire last week. She contacted me to find out exactly how long she should expect to have acute traumatic stress symptoms, like jumping at the sound of anything remotely "popping" and physically recoiling from warm, flickering light. She didn't go to the ER at the time of the burns, so I was also able to stage her burns for her via pics.

It's interesting, thinking about a remote trauma from the standpoint of both healthcare provider and survivor. I told her the acute trauma resolved for me in less than a year, maybe 7-8 months. Chronic triggers have remained but they're quite specific: the smell of burned cooking oil, the visual of someone being burned with cooking oil (which is rare but has happened in a couple of TV shows; one I had pre-warning but one blindsided me recently). Aside from those rare triggers, though, the visceral, fundamental terror of fighting and winning the fire that burned me (I carried it outside the house to stop the house from burning down) has left me with a couple of superpowers: I have the pain tolerance/hit points of a demigoddess and I am almost supernaturally calm & confident in a crisis. Frankly I think I'm 10 feet tall & bulletproof, and I believe I have fire to thank for that.

Another burn survivor friend of mine says she thinks when you're burned, you remain a part of the fire. Like it's inside us now. I love that idea. It makes me feel different, but in a badass way as opposed to a "burn PTSD has fucked up my brain" way.

B, my newly burned friend, says she feels so much better after talking to me. I was able to stage her burns & able to give her some idea of what successful emotional recovery is like. Consequently, I also feel better. If I was able to help support her in her emotional & physical recovery, then what happened to me gains a little more meaning, outside of simply the ways it shaped me. I can use that experience to make the world better for someone else, which is more or less the meaning I've chosen for my own life: make the world better.

Bryan & Ganon are bringing home Sonic drinks so very shortly I'll be swinging in a hammock drinking strawberry limeade, thinking about how, at least at this moment, I've achieved the meaning I want for my life.

I totally forgot I haven't mentioned it here: I deleted my Facebook. I weighed the options and realized I was just feeling much more stressed at baseline because I HAD a Facebook, so I ditched it. It wasn't worth the mental stress. Now, I do miss a few people I only ever kept up with on Facebook, but overall, big decrease in stress. Now if only the president would give up Twitter...

Yesterday was a GORGEOUS day, and we got started building my porch! I have wanted a roof over our back deck since we moved into this house in 2011, and finally we've gotten around to it. I say "we" but I am not the person building the porch. No, that honor goes to my parents, who are the people you want to take with you if you must be stranded on a deserted island. If you can't find a way off it, at least you'll be living in a bamboo mansion which somehow has indoor plumbing.

At 9:47 am Daddy arrived with the goods:




Couple of hours later we already had 4 posts planted: 2 of which were dug into post-holes and seated in cement, and 2 of which had been anchored by drilling into existing concrete. An hour after that we were here:


By the time they decided to leave in the afternoon, we were here:


My parents are capable of an incredible amount of work in a very short amount of time. Always have been; it's a huge strength of theirs. Another is Daddy's ability to essentially freehand designs of a fairly large nature. There is no plan or design for this porch roof other than the one in his head. He measured the porch and from there decided how much and how many of everything he'd need, scribbled down a list & estimated prices. That was the extent of the planning.

Found this growing unexpectedly in my yard. I'm not sure what kind of flower it is, but it's precious I want to dig it up & put it in a pot. Edited to add: it appears to be nothoscordum bivalve, commonly called crow poison or false garlic.


And finally, my feet in my hammock with a background of the sky through my trees.

1. Do you suffer from Spring Fever?

I certainly have in the past. I'm pretty excited for spring this year. Unlike past years, I don't have any particular REASON to be so excited; I just am. In 2009, for example, we had the worst ice storm this area has seen in YEARS and we lived in a trailer in the country. We had to have our house hooked up to a gas powered generator to have any power at all for 3 weeks. I was also in the middle of the accelerated nursing program. That year you better believe I was excited for spring!

2. Have you ever been twitterpated (infatuated or obsessed. In a state of nervous excitement)?

I've definitely been twitterpated, and it was actually during the spring!

3. What does Spring taste like to you?

My immediate reaction to this is that it tastes like raspberry sherbet.

4. When was the last time you visited an ice cream truck?

I want to say it was a couple of years ago during the 4th of July festivities in Frisco, TX. Everyone hangs out in all the business parking lots near the downtown area to wait for the evening fireworks show (which is a very good one) and some enterprising ice cream truckers roll around from parking lot to parking lot, doing fine business.


5. Do you know what song your ice cream truck plays?
We don't have one in our neighborhood. Having listened to a podcast not long ago about the incredibly racist origins of the classic ice cream truck tune I knew as "Turkey in the Straw," I should hope it wouldn't be that one if we DID have an ice cream truck.

Amusing moment last night in LUSH.

I was standing there talking about jelly face masks with the shop lady and from the corner of my eye, I saw a tallish, broad shouldered, bearded guy. I got distracted from my conversation with the shop lady & turned to get a better look because the guy seemed cute, which is always worth a look. The guy turns out to be Bryan. Y’know, my husband of 18 years!

1. Are you Irish?
I am not, and boy let me tell you does this throw people for a loop when you are redheaded. I swear sometimes I think people must believe that Ireland is the ONLY place where redheadedness exists (the proportion there is not significantly higher than anywhere else, statistically speaking). So far as I know, my family is historically German. It might be fun to get one of those DNA breakdowns.

2. Do you like Guinness?
I do not. I don’t beer, for the most part. There are only a few beers I’ve ever truly enjoyed, and they are all German heifweizen. Kellerweiz by Sierra Nevada is my favorite. Guinness just isn’t my taste in beer at all.

3. Do you know what the symbol of Ireland is?
A symbol? Like, the shamrock?

4. Have you ever watched Father Ted?
I don’t even know what this is.

5. Do you believe in leprechauns?
I believe in the leprechaun on the box of Lucky Charms, but other than that, pretty much not. Though during Spring Sing 1999 at Harding University, my club’s show was based on a fighting video game, & I wore a green version of a karate gi. Everyone referred to me as a “lepreninja.”

But we all know the vastly more important holiday on March 17 is my anniversary. This year we celebrated 18 years together. Still making each other laugh daily, still taking on the world as a team. Best decision I ever made.

Well I’ve made my announcement on Facebook. I’m out. I’ve felt for a long time like FB was mentally bad for me; it just felt stressful even logging on. When I got my iPhone X I just simply didn’t place my FB account in the account settings and never downloaded the app. I felt less stressed for it, so I’m thinking getting rid of it entirely is the way to go. There’s a handful of people there who I won’t be able to keep up with elsewhere, but that’s the nature of the thing. Several people are already ones I keep up with on Twitter.

I’d like to get back to the way it was on LJ in the early 2000s, frankly, but I don’t know that we’ll ever capture that kind of lightning in a bottle again.
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We’re in Frisco, Texas for spring break!

Yesterday was mine & Bryan’s 18th wedding anniversary. We ate at Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian steakhouse which has basically become traditional for us. We got a creme brûlée for dessert yesterday, though, which was a first. It’s a shame, too, because HOLY COW THAT WAS THE BEST DESSERT. I’ve had creme brûlée elsewhere & it’s really hit or miss. Well, Fogo de Chao’s is a hit, y’all. Creamy & smooth as butter, perfect crunch of the sugar on top. Was really just top notch.

This morning I went out to get donuts for the family at Hurt’s Donuts in Frisco. They started in Springfield MO, where my lovely friend Jodi lives. They’re a 24/7 donut shop, and per their website they’re known for large donuts. I went in & ordered a dozen picked, without really noticing the size. Once they put the box up & started putting these monstrosities in there, though, I realized my error! The apple fritter actually went into a box by itself; a box the same size as the one that holds a dozen plain glazed at Shipley’s. Oh my. I tore off a bit of that & ate it on the way home with my cafe misto, and it was fantastic! Not too dark on the outside (which is my problem with most fritters), very delicate, big chunks of apple. None of the donuts were terribly greasy, but they were mostly topped with dramatic amounts of sugary frosting. I’m not a big frosting fan, so my faves were the fritter, the glazed, & the “Monkey Brains” which was just a cinnamon-sugar donut with no hole. The cherry pie was really quite good though too, despite having a thick white frosting. Probably because it was balanced by the streusel topping & cherry pie filling in the middle. It’s a delightful place to just LOOK at though, because of all the bright donut colors.

Places I’d like to hit while I’m down here: Ulta because I still haven’t picked up my birthday gift (I turned 39 on Monday!), LUSH because LUSH, the Lane Bryant outlet because I always need shirts for work. Ganon just told Augie (that’s my dad-in-law) he would like to go jumping at the trampoline place, which gives me anxiety. If you’ve seen the injuries I’ve seen from trampoline parks they’d give you pause, too!
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This morning at Starbucks.

Barista *to the crowd of waiting people*: Is anyone waiting on a mobile order?
Me *raises hand*: I am!
Lady in front of me: Me too.
Barista: What’s the name?
Lady: Sheila.
Barista *looks at mobile spot*: I’m not seeing one for that name. Are you sure this is the right location? Could you have placed it somewhere else?
Sheila: Well I just ordered right over there *points at register* so I don’t know how it could be somewhere else.

The barista & I exchange a look & she goes “Name on yours?” 😂 Why do people not listen with their brains engaged?

The flu is kicking our butts, y'all. I saw 20+ patients within the first 8 hours of my 12 hour shift and diagnosed the flu at least 6 times. I started to see a pattern: if the person came in with a fever in the triage booth, an elevated heart rate, and they were younger than 30, I was probably looking at influenza A. Influenza B was more in the older folks & didn't come with the elevated heart rate so much, though they did generally have a bit of a temp. It means a LOT of explaining about why I'm not giving antibiotics, and a lot of presenting the pros & cons of Tamiflu, the antiretroviral that can be given within 48 hours of flu symptoms onset. SO MUCH FLU. A good thing happened yesterday though: recently one of the main ER physicians, MD (which are funny initials, bc he's a DO and not an MD), had sent me an article recently about rib fractures in people older than 65. It turns out they're treated about the same as in anyone else UNLESS there are more than 2 of them. The combo of older than 65 and more than 2 fractures is a tipping point & people are at greater risk of pneumonia. It was extremely timely information as of yesterday! I also had a patient with pancreatitis 2 days ago and thanks to a misstep on someone several weeks ago (non-dangerous, but not optimal), I was able to be on top of things ensure my patient got the appropriate fluid bolus for their condition. So that's two cases this week that I KNOW I did correctly because of research & learning from my previous experiences. Feeling good about that!

Also feeling good about the appointment I have at 13:00 today at the gym! We joined a gym here in town. NEA Wellness is the smallest of the 3 main gyms, but it's also the least expensive for us because Bryan gets a discount as a teacher. It's also not particularly crowded like Trim Gym, which tends toward the "dude bro" crowd more than I prefer. NEA Wellness is mostly older folks & seems to be pretty sparsely populated, which is good for me as I want to get into weight training. I did legs on Monday; planning on arms today. That's in addition to walking on the track which overhands the weight machines, free weights, and cardio area as well as past the pool. My only gripe with the place is that Ganon, at age 11, isn't allowed to use the track or cardio machines even though he's a perfectly well-behaved kid. He can swim for free, but until he's 12 this summer we can't sign him up as a member, allowing him to use the treadmills, bikes, etc. This really burns me up. People are constantly saying that kids need to get more active, that people need to exercise as a family & incorporate activity into everyday routine. Great idea! But then you tell people that their kid can't do the gym with them? That's missing the most formative years to instill the idea of activity! We've decided we're going to take a swim suit every time & let him swim until July, then get him signed up as a family member as well. At least it's just a few months.

Bryan's beard...is gone. I'm in mourning! He agreed to a fundraiser at school: he & another beardy teacher would raise money & the one who raised more money got to shave the other one's beard. Thanks to a $500 donation right at the beginning, Bryan never had a chance. So at the pep rally on Tuesday, the other teacher cut Bryan's beard off with scissors, after which Bryan basically just finished shaving the whole thing. He looks like an entirely different person. He wasn't particularly upset about it because he likes the idea of growing a "yeard", which is when you grow your beard for a year to see how long it will get.



I feel like the beard just conveys his personality so much better. It makes him look smart, slightly serious, but with a dad-like sense of humor.

Have I gushed about the Instant Pot before? This thing is ridiculously awesome. I've cooked so much more at home since we got it. My favorite new thing is lentils; I'd never eaten them before, and I'd always avoided dried beans because they took so long to prep between the soaking & all that. With the IP, though, you put them in dry & they cook up under pressure. It's rather amazing. I've had a few IP fails; most notably the red beans & rice, but it wasn't bc of the IP itself. I forgot the rice we most often use at home is short grain, but when I realized, I substituted it anyway. That was a mistake--the glutinous nature of short grain rice makes more of a congee style concoction when cooked at the pressure/time needed for red beans & rice. It was essentially Cajun congee when it was finished and though the first bowl of it was good, it did NOT keep well. It turned into a gelatinous mass. Had to toss that. Some MAJOR successes, though: the egg bites made with a silicone insert, the giant IP pancake, and spicy Indian dal. The dal was my first lentil dish and OMG. A plop of yogurt into the spicy bean stew sort of texture, scoop it up with naan bread, and wow. I was so proud of myself. The giant pancake was a hit with my niece & nephew Molly & Konner. They were over when I made it, & when I took it out of the IP there was much squealing & generally having a fit. It made a very fluffy, very moist, almost cornbread like texture, with the bottom (it's the top when you turn it out) very crunchy & hard where the recipe says it should be crispy. I think I should've gone a few minutes shorter. Anyway, they liked it, & Bryan really loved it with strawberry jam.

In other news: Joe the dog is getting very large. When we got him, he had wee paws & we thought that indicated he'd stay small. Over the last 2 weeks he's about doubled in size. He outweighs Harry significantly & is now taller than him at the shoulder. In fact, he's about the same size as Pete & I wouldn't be surprised if he outweighs him, too. More amusingly, his ears have begun to do this interesting slightly backward turn that looks VERY reminiscent of an American Pit Bull Terrier. I don't think he'll be as large as a pure bred one, but I do intend to get one of those doggie DNA swabs to test, and when I do, I expect we'll see a not-insignificant amount of that in Joe's lineage. When a coworker asked what we'd do if it turns out he was a pit bull, I shrugged & said "Get a bigger dog door I guess." She laughed & said "That's what people love about you." I'm not sure what that answer says about me (or us as a family) but I'll take it.